Tuesday, June 30, 2009

A Little More About Living With RAD

As eventful as my life really is, I should be able to update this blog daily. I struggle with this, because I can't seem to focus my daily events into a topic in which to write.

I have a daughter with RAD. She can be so sweet and charming. She has intentions of being sweet and charming. She also has an underlying fear of abandonment that often forces her to be vindictive, controlling, and manipulative. It drives me crazy. She is only four. I am fortunate enough to have background knowledge on RAD & was able to begin therapy at an early age. Her future is bright, but parenting a child with RAD can be tough.

I get tired of the fighting. All siblings quarrel a bit. I understand this. My boys ages 6 and 2 usually get along just fine. If Annie is around, there is always a fight. If she is with just one boy, she fights. If she is with both boys, she fights. She has learned that my husband and I are a team, so she doesn't play us against each other. (Triangulation) However, she has become a master of this with her brothers. It drives me nuts.

She also frustrates me because she is stuck in reality. A lot of parents of RAD children complain that their kids stay stuck in fantasy. I wish my daughter could use her imagination. One time we were cleaning her room and I stopped and started playing with her Barbies. I showed her how she can role play with them and have them talk to each other. She looked at me and said, "My Barbies don't talk." If I send her to her room or the playroom to play, she'll sit and stare at the toys. It drives me nuts. The only thing that she is interested in is what someone else is playing with. She'll watch her 13 month old sister playing with a sorting box and decide that she wants to play with the sorting box. PLEEEEAAAASE!!!!

My daughter CAN NOT watch TV. I want her to watch TV. Now, many people that are around my child will disagree. Annie will watch TV if I am sitting with her on the couch. THAT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE!!!! I need to find something that will entertain this child.

I write these things, and then I feel guilty. She really is afraid of being abandoned. That's because she has a history, before arriving in our family, of abandonment. If I had her history, I would be afraid, too. She is stuck in the one-year-old separation anxiety stage. She has to follow Mommy around EVERYWHERE!!!!!

I'm trying to find a balance. I don't know where her need to be with me stops and the manipulation begins. My patience is very thin, especially when I have a gifted daughter who seems to be more delayed than my one-year old in this area.

1 comment:

billynapril1 said...

Hobby Lobby is a great place for kids who live in reality! It's a great place to find kid friendly crafts that entertain and spark imagination : ) Let me know how it turns out if you decide to take her there!! April