No More Play Time

I've said before that my daughter has a terrible time playing. When we make her go play, we are recipients of a crying fit that would make passersby suspect abuse. No kidding! If we want to be REALLY severe, we suggest she go play outside. Talk about cruel and unusual punishment! Well, I was on a cleaning binge the last couple of days. I was quite frustrated because I couldn't seem to make progress. I tried to explain to the kids that I could get things done a lot quicker if they would just go play. Poor Chloe Beth either spent the two day binge in my arms, in the pack&play, in the high chair, or sleeping. Luke managed to get into absolutely everything including acrylic paint, dish soap, and eggs. He even managed to write on my wall with mascara! Landon ceased the opportunity to play unlimited hours of Wii. Annie went all RAD on me. She started every little fight she could, broke all the little nit-picky rules, button pushing rules she could think of. And pretty resisted any encouragement to go play and have fun! (Side note: I also have ADD and am actually pretty proud of this gift. I take medicine that is quite effective, but there is always one week each month that the medicine doesn't seem to make much difference. This was the week!)
So, I finally get a "no, duh" idea. Why don't I just let Annie help me. I bring her too me and explain to her that I am going to be nice. I'm not going to make her play and I'm going to let her follow me around the house and maybe even work. I let her start with a magic eraser and Luke's mascara art. I know that having the artist clean it would be a logical consequence, but not this time. Luke wouldn't be able to do it and Annie actually wanted to. She was so happy about getting to work and not having to play. The wall that she cleaned is pictured above. She used a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. Funny thing, when she was almost done, the last part of the art revealed a capital A that looked remarkably similar to the way she writes her A. You know, Luke denied the work. That is unusual, he is usually proud of his adventures. That is when I decided that I needed to take some pictures. You can barely see the faint outline of the A on the wall. I guess I will never know who the true artist really is.

I was really searching for things Annie could help me with. I don't want four-year olds dealing with harsh chemicals. I looked around and realized that the bathroom floors really needed attention around the baseboards. I remembered actually enjoying the toothbrush scrub method when I was a kid. I pulled out my own toothbrush, remembering that I have a unopened new one that I got from the dentist this week when he yanked my wisdom tooth, and some Method glass cleaner. It's non-toxic and has a peppermint scent. I even let her spray it herself. Wow! What a treat. She really enjoyed scrubbing and rinsing the toothbrush. When she finished a section, she dried it with a towel. She did a FANTASTIC job and we had some great bonding time, and she even showed concern about my willingness to sacrifice my toothbrush. Go figure!
When we were finished with the two upstairs bathrooms, Annie was ready to take all the supplies to the downstairs restroom. I just cleaned the crazies out of it the day before. I would have let her go for it, but she had to be supervised and quite frankly, I was having some terrible stomach cramps. I needed an Excedrin and a nap.

A Little More About Living With RAD

As eventful as my life really is, I should be able to update this blog daily. I struggle with this, because I can't seem to focus my daily events into a topic in which to write.

I have a daughter with RAD. She can be so sweet and charming. She has intentions of being sweet and charming. She also has an underlying fear of abandonment that often forces her to be vindictive, controlling, and manipulative. It drives me crazy. She is only four. I am fortunate enough to have background knowledge on RAD & was able to begin therapy at an early age. Her future is bright, but parenting a child with RAD can be tough.

I get tired of the fighting. All siblings quarrel a bit. I understand this. My boys ages 6 and 2 usually get along just fine. If Annie is around, there is always a fight. If she is with just one boy, she fights. If she is with both boys, she fights. She has learned that my husband and I are a team, so she doesn't play us against each other. (Triangulation) However, she has become a master of this with her brothers. It drives me nuts.

She also frustrates me because she is stuck in reality. A lot of parents of RAD children complain that their kids stay stuck in fantasy. I wish my daughter could use her imagination. One time we were cleaning her room and I stopped and started playing with her Barbies. I showed her how she can role play with them and have them talk to each other. She looked at me and said, "My Barbies don't talk." If I send her to her room or the playroom to play, she'll sit and stare at the toys. It drives me nuts. The only thing that she is interested in is what someone else is playing with. She'll watch her 13 month old sister playing with a sorting box and decide that she wants to play with the sorting box. PLEEEEAAAASE!!!!

My daughter CAN NOT watch TV. I want her to watch TV. Now, many people that are around my child will disagree. Annie will watch TV if I am sitting with her on the couch. THAT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE!!!! I need to find something that will entertain this child.

I write these things, and then I feel guilty. She really is afraid of being abandoned. That's because she has a history, before arriving in our family, of abandonment. If I had her history, I would be afraid, too. She is stuck in the one-year-old separation anxiety stage. She has to follow Mommy around EVERYWHERE!!!!!

I'm trying to find a balance. I don't know where her need to be with me stops and the manipulation begins. My patience is very thin, especially when I have a gifted daughter who seems to be more delayed than my one-year old in this area.